20 Funny Chuck Norris Facts
1.M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
2.Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.
3.Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
4.Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
5.Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
6.Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
7.Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver… and wins.
8.Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
9.Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
10.Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
11.Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
12.The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
13.Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
14.Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
15.Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
16.Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
17.A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
18.Chuck Norris doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” He plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”
19.Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
20.Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris’ sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
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